drawing-a-blank

I'm feeling a bit bold today:

I'm not really crazy about overt

in your face "christian speak."

I think it too often turns people off and away.

So, I'm hoping you will bear with me on this.

I am feeling the need to share what God

(yep, it's Him, I'm sure) has been doing with me lately.

I've had my own personally planned life's journey

briskly and abruptly interrupted.

My busy, filled life that I have been

enjoying without a second thought, that I have been 

whizzing through on a daily basis with a strong co-operative body has taken a sharp turn.

I have cancer.

I'm not going into detail here------it's boring, even to me-----

Now here's the good part, the part that I get excited about, the part that I sort of can't wait to see what comes next part.

I am changing.

I am changing every day-----in a lot of ways.

The physical stuff hasn't been so hot, but that wonderful,

internal, head/heart stuff----it's good----very good.

I've never thought of myself as a prideful person----nope, not me. No boasting, gloating, flaunting,etc. 

Nope, nope, nope.

Humble? Not really, but Prideful? Never!

Hmmmmm........

Funny how much we know about ourselves and how little.

First thing to go-----that little thing called control.

Seriously, I know I'm not in control of the universe, but my own body seemed reasonable...

Mine has served me very well for many years.  It has been healthy and hard working with hardly a glitch.  I have been able to bulldoze my way through a lot.

Nope, not this time.

I am human, fragile, and susceptible to "stuff."

This realization came as a shocker to me.  I am human. I cannot overcome everything with sheer will power.

And now, I have delightful hospital experiences to prove it--

This was the second area  that's been exposed.

Now this third area is absolutely silly, and I can't believe I'm even putting this into words.

My height had to be measured this last week, along with my weight and I am suddenly TWO inches shorter than I've always thought myself to be.  Three of us checked it----I am sure---TWO WHOLE INCHES.

I am no longer taller than average. I am completely, wholly, AVERAGE.  How can that be?! 

Pride...it sneaks up in funny little ways...

Fourth??? Really, does there need to be a fourth? Sure.

I will be losing my hair in approximately three weeks.

I will be bald.

I will be bald, average height, and probably still not lose weight.  I will look like Uncle Fester's Broadway understudy.

And then it came to me, how does one's body know what hair to lose?  If the hair on my head goes,.....(o.k. I've not been myself lately, I'm a little slow)

Oh my gosh------I could lose my eyebrows and EYELASHES!!

So, the brow thing can be funky, but my eyelashes------they are long, thick, and frame my brown eyes very nicely, thank you.
Surely I won't lose my lashes...

Pride....there it is again.

So, God has graciously been exposing some things to me.

I am so appreciative of this opportunity.  I have come to realize some junk about myself that I would've just glossed right over.  And, odd as it sounds, it's been fun as well.

I have laughed out loud and shaken my head and said, "AH."

My list keeps growing.

  It may not be earth shattering,

but it's been heart shattering for me.  

I have come to see myself in a different way.

That underbelly is more and more exposed.

I have NOTHING to be prideful about.

(although I'm sure He'll be pointing out more)

EVERYTHING is a gift from our great God.

It is His to give and His to take. 

I am so very grateful that I am on this journey with Him.

It continues to be quite an adventure.

annie