Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm feeling a bit bold today:

I'm not really crazy about overt
in your face "christian speak."
I think it too often turns people off and away.

So, I'm hoping you will bear with me on this.
I am feeling the need to share what God
(yep, it's Him, I'm sure) has been doing with me lately.

I've had my own personally planned life's journey
briskly and abruptly interrupted.
My busy, filled life that I have been
enjoying without a second thought, that I have been 
whizzing through on a daily basis with a strong co-operative body has taken a sharp turn.
I have cancer.
I'm not going into detail here------it's boring, even to me-----

Now here's the good part, the part that I get excited about, the part that I sort of can't wait to see what comes next part.
I am changing.
I am changing every day-----in a lot of ways.
The physical stuff hasn't been so hot, but that wonderful,
internal, head/heart stuff----it's good----very good.

I've never thought of myself as a prideful person----nope, not me. No boasting, gloating, flaunting,etc. 
Nope, nope, nope.
Humble? Not really, but Prideful? Never!
Funny how much we know about ourselves and how little.

First thing to go-----that little thing called control.
Seriously, I know I'm not in control of the universe, but my own body seemed reasonable...
Mine has served me very well for many years.  It has been healthy and hard working with hardly a glitch.  I have been able to bulldoze my way through a lot.
Nope, not this time.

I am human, fragile, and susceptible to "stuff."
This realization came as a shocker to me.  I am human. I cannot overcome everything with sheer will power.
And now, I have delightful hospital experiences to prove it--
This was the second area  that's been exposed.

Now this third area is absolutely silly, and I can't believe I'm even putting this into words.
My height had to be measured this last week, along with my weight and I am suddenly TWO inches shorter than I've always thought myself to be.  Three of us checked it----I am sure---TWO WHOLE INCHES.
I am no longer taller than average. I am completely, wholly, AVERAGE.  How can that be?! 
Pride...it sneaks up in funny little ways...

Fourth??? Really, does there need to be a fourth? Sure.
I will be losing my hair in approximately three weeks.
I will be bald.
I will be bald, average height, and probably still not lose weight.  I will look like Uncle Fester's Broadway understudy.

And then it came to me, how does one's body know what hair to lose?  If the hair on my head goes,.....(o.k. I've not been myself lately, I'm a little slow)
Oh my gosh------I could lose my eyebrows and EYELASHES!!
So, the brow thing can be funky, but my eyelashes------they are long, thick, and frame my brown eyes very nicely, thank you.
Surely I won't lose my lashes...
Pride....there it is again.

So, God has graciously been exposing some things to me.
I am so appreciative of this opportunity.  I have come to realize some junk about myself that I would've just glossed right over.  And, odd as it sounds, it's been fun as well.
I have laughed out loud and shaken my head and said, "AH."
My list keeps growing.
  It may not be earth shattering,
but it's been heart shattering for me.  
I have come to see myself in a different way.
That underbelly is more and more exposed.
I have NOTHING to be prideful about.
(although I'm sure He'll be pointing out more)
EVERYTHING is a gift from our great God.
It is His to give and His to take. 
I am so very grateful that I am on this journey with Him.
It continues to be quite an adventure.



  1. God Bless you!
    You are amazingly stronger than I could ever hope to be!

  2. you are amazing

    beautiful inside and out -

    and I'll send you a babushka pronto (per your request)

  3. Hi Annie
    It is amazing how much He loves us, just the way we are.
    You my friend, are wonderful with or without eyelashes.

  4. Annie....you have no idea how this post pierced my heart. You will NEVER be average. I don't even know you that well, but just our short meeting at the blogfest, I knew you were one special lady, and I wanted more.

    Leave it to you to make me laugh in a post where you share you have cancer. I'm hesitant to tell you I'm sorry. You know we are all here for you during this journey.

    Much love

  5. Hey Annie -- I've been thinking about you! Thanks for your comment on the blog -- and what a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing. Please keep us updated on how you're doing; looking forward to see you back at the markets soon! xo

  6. This is one of the most amazing posts I've ever read.

    So many thoughts/feelings swirling around my head after reading this -- but nothing seems worthy of writing here.

    Please keep us updated on your journey - your feelings as they unfold and change.

    You ROCK.



  7. Annie -

    Sending you love and prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey and insight.

    Your Friend,
    - Deborah

  8. Dear Annie, I teased you before about your eloquent way, and today too you've shown pure grace under the most challenging of times. My good thoughts and prayers go out to you. Nothing can change the beautiful person you are.

  9. Dearest dear dear,
    How true it is that when it comes down to it, there is "us" and there is HIM.
    I know what you mean about Christian speak but the man I married (I am a former atheist) was quite plain about God and about truth and about our relationship to both as he shared with me when we met. I listened because ... he was cute. (my husband that is) I came to know the truth and came to know the Lord because I listened and I believed. You face what the world calls adversity. You do not face it alone. You will be in the prayers of so many and you are in the hands of the one who knows you best and loves you best. Thank you for sharing. You will certainly be in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers.

  10. there will be a whole lot more to this story ... page after page after page ... and then chapter two, three and so forth ...

    I have never met such a storm trooper ... in the face of what you call an adventure, you still have something undeniably strong
    ... FAITH
    I think this is your middle name ...

    you are loved Annie Marie ...
    by me ...

  11. Welcome to the Journey Annie...

    xoxo~Kathy @
    Sweet Up-North Mornings...

  12. You are an amazing woman and I want to thank you for the gift you just gave in this post. May God continue to bless you in this journey and I will be following along in love and faith.
    I'm grateful to Joy for bringing me to you and sharing your amazing grace with all of us!!

  13. Annie, I am here via SavvyCityFarmer. beautiful piece you have written. it is clear that whatever comes your way - YOU will be fine - strong in spirit and character...best wishes to you and your family and godspeed....

  14. Hi Annie, I'm so happy to have finally had a chance to visit you - I really enjoyed reading through all your posts. Everything you have written and shared is just lovely.
    Your honesty in this post makes my heart heavy ~ God is good and may he bless you with all the strength you will need. You will be beautiful no matter what!
    Sarah xo

  15. WOW. You are amazing, and just like Joy said, you have such a great attitude! I am so touched by what you say here, thoughts, the exact ones I've had myself from time to time.

    You'll be in my prayers, and just a quick thought: Isn't blogland wonderful? My friend Joy introduced us, and you got to share your story with another person in yet another state!
    Joni in MI

  16. well... I just bounced onto your blog via savvycityfarmer...isn't this community of amazing women something else...and to find you as you made this brave announcement...I am along for your experience...whatever HE has planned for you...you are in my thoughts and prayers...draw strength from all of your friends new and old...you are amazing.


  17. Hi like Shelley I have come over from savvycityfarmer. Sounds like you are one strong woman and I amsending lots of positive thoughts your way

  18. Hello, dear Annie, I too am here for the first time because of Joy's post on you. So glad I found you. Thank you for speaking from the heart. So many of us face these kind of challenges and we all need to know we are not alone. Embracing life no matter what we must walk through to do it. God is with you on your journey. I'd love for you to come visit, I have a "life" blog and a Bible Study blog, that I share what God is showing me. Not stuffy...just real.
    You are in my prayers,
    hugs and love from one sister to another,

  19. Annie,
    What a wonderful blog and it left me with a heavy heart, you are on a journey with God and he is by your side.

    DON'T CLAIM THIS dear one! give it to the LORD, trust in him to do his fine glorious work through you and your faith in him.

    You are Gods work of art, and a true inspiration.

    Annie STAY STRONG don't be SHAKEN by the ENEMY, hold onto the spirt of a mighty warrior, you are a testimony to all in your strength, faith and your journey that you have put in the hands of our Lord we are praying for you, live what you truely believe seek first his kingdom.

    I will add you to our prayers list.
    I am glad I found you, there is no question how I was directed to your blog site or why.


  20. Hi Annie, Joy sent me over from SavvyCityFarmer. I'm glad I found you. I am so touched by your story and journey to come. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong girl....

  21. I came by way of SavvyCity Farmer also...you will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Cancer is no stranger to my family. My five siblings and Mother have been victims...

    When God brings us to something, He brings us through whatever the situation. He is so faithful...

    God bless...Betty @ Country Charm

  22. I am so glad I stopped by today. I completely understand what you're saying about the preachy God stuff...I have always been so reluctant to go there. But once I started to lose some control in my life, I just couldn't help myself. I am so the same as you - I always secretly prided myself on not being prideful. Ha! I know, it would be ridiculous if it weren't true... But it's funny the way God reveals Himself to us... I'm the mom with the kid who just had to have Surgery because he had TEN teeth that needed fixin'. Pride. Ugh.

    Girly - thank you for trusting enough to share all of this with us. You know we will life you up. Please keep talking to us about it.


  23. Wow! First of all, this is an amazing post! Secondly, the older I get, and the more that I see and experience, I realize that these things don't just happen to other people, but they do happen to ourselves or to the people that we love the most in this world!
    Thank you for sharing this honest and, Yes, humble post. Your words will have a huge impact on so many! They already have on me.
    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and check back often.


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